The Ornamental Foot-kisser
I am an ornamental foot-kisser in the lobby of a plush hotel. I am confined in a hole in the wall, with only my shoulders, neck and face protruding about 6 inches or so off the ground. My face, neck and shoulders have been sprayed with indelible gold paint to match the décor of the opulent hotel around me, and, of course, in order to make me look ridiculous. To add to my humiliation, a gold-coloured, rubber bathing cap covers the top of my head, and a gold-plated metal footblock lies immediately beneath my protruding, golden face. Female guests and staff in the hotel are welcome to place their foot on the gold-plated footblock at any time in order for the 'ornamental foot-kisser' to pay homage to their feet by respectfully kissing them. Kissing female feet is all I am permitted to do: I may not lick female feet or shoes; I may not sniff female feet or shoes; I may not nuzzle female socks or stockings. I may only kiss female feet and shoes, and even then I must do so with the