'Where's Sockies?'

‘Where’s sockies? My sock is wonky on my ankle and needs straightening!’

Master Simon sir never straightens his own socks. That’s my job, as his, and his wife’s, sock slavey. They’ve given me the slave nickname of ‘sockies’!

‘He’s handwashing my dirty socks in the laundry room, honey. I’ll summon him for you… YO SOCKIES! SOCKIES! COME HERE THIS INSTANT!’

I crawl into the lounge where my mistress and master are seated next to one another on the sofa:

‘You summoned me, mistress Mukta madam?’

‘Simon’s sock is wonky. Straighten it for him!’

‘Yes, mistress Mukta madam. At once, mistress Mukta madam.’

‘And beg his permission to touch his sock before you do so, sock slavey!’

‘Yes, mistress Mukta madam. I obey you, mistress Mukta madam… Oh pray, master Simon sir, might I have the honour of touching your sock, master sir, in order to straighten it for you on your ankle, sir? Oh pray, master Simon sir? Oh beg?’

‘You may, slave. But DON’T touch my skin!’

‘Yes, master Simon sir. I mean, no master Simon sir. Thanking you kindly, sir.’

I shuffle forwards on my knees as master Simon sir helpfully twists his socked ankle around to enable my bony old fingers to touch it.

After I have performed the delicate operation of straightening his sock, I humbly invite the master-sir to inspect my work:

‘Oh pray master Simon sir, if it pleases you master Simon sir, is your sock now straightened to your satisfaction, sir?’

‘F**k off now, slave!’

‘Yes, master Simon sir. Thanking you kindly, master sir.’

As I crawl away from the happy couple on my hands and knees back to the laundry room to resume my humble handwashing of the mistress’s dirty socks, I overhear my mistress Mukta congratulating her husband:

‘Haha, well done Simon honey! You really showed him who’s boss!’

Master Simon sir chuckles contentedly.

‘Where’s sockies? My sock is wonky on my ankle and needs straightening!’

'YO SOCKIES! SOCKIES! COME HERE THIS INSTANT!’

‘You summoned me, mistress Mukta madam?’

‘Simon’s sock is wonky. Straighten it for him! And beg his permission to touch his sock before you do so, sock slavey!’

Oh pray, master Simon sir, might I have the honour of touching your sock, master sir, in order to straighten it for you on your ankle, sir?'

‘You may, slave. But DON’T touch my skin!’

Master Simon sir kindly points to the area of SOCK he wants straightened

I humbly look at the SOCK and listen to his masterly instructions

I am NOT to touch his skin - only his SOCK!

His SOCK is like a god to me and must be treated with the utmost slavish respect!

I gingerly move my bony old fingers up towards his SOCK

I then do my best to straighten the SOCK without touching the master-sir's bare skin!

Both master and mistress are watching me like hawks!

‘Oh pray master Simon sir, if it pleases you master Simon sir, is your sock now straightened to your satisfaction, sir?’

‘F**k off now, slave!’

‘Haha, well done Simon honey! You really showed him who’s boss!’