Innovative Public Footslave
Unfortunately for me, my employers - the owners of the public house where I am based - have (deliberately) placed me right next to an external drainpipe, meaning that the ground around my humble head is often wet with filthy rainwater. However, being an innovative footslave, I turn it to my advantage by using the rainwater to dampen my tongue which in turn helps me to remove the filth and dirt from my customers’ shoes and boots.