Ticked Off

























It’s 3 A.M. and insomniac regular customer-mistress Ms Arabella madam, a local goddess, is having me lickshine her boots in the cold, night air. Because I cannot see her socks inside her long boots, I respectfully enquire of her as to the nature and style of her socks, if she would be so kind? She initially gives me a ticking off for my impertinence, but subsequently relents and decides to describe her socks to me as she knows I am just a ‘pafetic, sock-obsessed bootlicker’. She graciously explains that she is wearing short, plain black, cotton anklesocks inside her boots, with ribbed stitching and a red ‘tick’ logo on each upper. She asks me what I think of that and, having thanked her for her kindness in kindly indulging me in my pathetic sock-curiosity, I reply that I would admire such a pair of socks very much on her feet were I able to see them.

She laughs at my none-too-subtle hint but says it is much too chilly tonight for her to expose her socked ankles to me, and that I should just carry on lickshining her boots. She then takes a triumphalist drag on her cigarette and asks me whether I obsess about my other customers’ socks as much as I do hers? I humbly, and truthfully, reply that, whilst all my customers’ socks are of great importance to me, since they are the socks of my betters, hersocks are the most important, as they are the socks of a goddess. She just laughs at me, and agrees with me before turning to walk away back to the warmth and comfort of her nearby apartment.

I wish I could be her apartment slave; then I would get to see her socks.

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