Verbose And Sycophantic

‘Clean my boots please, slave’

Her voice is timid; gentle; apologetic almost. And her soft Indian accent betrays that she is not a native of these parts. I must put her at her ease, and convince her that it will be my honour and privilege to lick clean her dirty boots. 

I therefore gush forth praise upon her, assuring her of my devotion and duty towards her dirty boots, whilst at the same time extolling the virtues of her flowery-themed socks, the tops of which are just visible to me thanks to her helpfully hitching up her right trouser-leg. 

Here’s what I actually say to her:

‘Oh pray, pretty mistress, if it pleases you, pretty mistress, praise be upon you mistress! Truly this slave will be honoured to lick-clean your boots, madam, for they are such pretty boots, miss. And your socks, miss! Oh your socks! Truly your socks look magnificent atop your boots, madam, if you will forgive me madam, thanking you kindly miss?’

Now brusquely, she tells me to ‘shut up and get a move on cleaning her boots’. She adds that she ‘hasn’t got all day’, and calls me a ‘stupid, dirty slave’.

It seems I had misjudged her. She wouldn’t say boo to a goose; but she is more than happy to scold a verbose and sycophantic, lazy slave!

‘Clean my boots please, slave’.


‘Oh pray, pretty mistress, if it pleases you, pretty mistress, praise be upon you mistress! Truly this slave will be honoured to lick-clean your boots, madam...


...for they are such pretty boots, miss...


...And your socks, miss! Oh your socks!...


...Truly your socks look magnificent atop your boots, madam, if you will forgive me madam, thanking you kindly miss?’


'Shut up and get a move on cleaning my boots. I haven't got all day, stupid, dirty slave!’


Somewhat shocked by the pretty customer-mistress's change of tone, I shut up...


...and lick boot...


...beneath her fabulous SOCK


There's really nothing more to be said!

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