Certainties





































Very few things are certain in life, but the following are all absolute certainties:

·     This young woman is better than me, and she knows it
·     Her shoes are better than me
·     Her socks are better than me
·     It is therefore right and proper, as well as the Law of the Land, that I should kiss-respect her feet when she nonchalantly presents them to me upon exiting the public restroom
·     She will not speak to me, before during or after my abasement at her feet. That’s because I’m just a dumb footkisser, and she therefore has nothing to say to me
·     As she walks away from me she has already forgotten about me, and is focussing on meeting up with her boyfriend
·     However, the taste of her flat, canvas shoe shall linger inside my mouth for several minutes as I discreetly lick it off my lips, as will the memory of the strong, rubbery smell of her street-soiled sneaker toe; the vison of her black sock creases; and the truly magnificent sight of the chequered pattern on the upper of her shoe
·     That’s because, you see, her shoes and socks are my life, even though I don’t know her and have never met her before – and possibly never will again. But my lowly, lickspittle lips are now forever associated with her superior-shoe DNA, and my menial mind can never forget the glory of her socks
·     I am truly honouredto have kissed her dirty shoe and been so close to her socks!

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