Counting Creases

‘Count the creases in my girlfriend’s socks, and then kiss her feet 100 times for every crease, slave!’

‘Yes, master sir. At once, master sir. I obey you, and the mistress, master sir. Please don’t hurt me, master!’

Whenever a master-sir gives a street humble head an order, the latter had better obey – especially when said master-sir is seeking to impress his girlfriend! And so I set about fulfilling the master sir’s commandments, even though there are so many still unanswered questions e.g.

·     What constitutes a single crease?

·     Am I to kiss each foot in accordance with that foot’s number of sock creases, or am I to kiss both feet in accordance with the overall number of creases?

·     I mean, I know it’s not exactly rocket science, but the wellbeing of my face depends on my getting this right, and on pleasing the master and his girlfriend!

·     Am I to factor in any hidden creases beneath her jean hems or inside her sneakers?

·     I decide that I can only be held accountable for the number of visible sock-creases, and I manage to count 5 such creases on the bright and intelligent young woman’s right sock, and 7 on her left – making a total of 12. That’s 1200 kisses I owe to her filthy sneakers

·     It becomes equally obvious to me that I am in no position to choose which sneakered foot to kiss at any given time, since I am wholly reliant on the young woman presenting her feet to me for kissing one at a time. Therefore it must be the case that I am commanded to kiss her feet 1200 times in total, but not necessarily 500 times on the right foot (in accordance with the right sock’s 5 creases) and 700 times on the left foot. Surely, in any case, 1200 respectful kisses to a young woman’s dirty sneakers would be enough to satisfy any master or mistress as to my genuine humility and devotion towards the customer’s feet and footwear?

And so I kiss feet; or, more specifically, outstretched sneaker toe. Meanwhile normal life goes on all around me. In the Gynarchy of Barbaria, the sight of a public humble head kissing a girl’s feet in front of her manly boyfriend is nothing out of the ordinary!