Being Gentle With Her

‘Clean my shoe please, slave.’

Her voice is timid; gentle; apologetic almost. And her soft Indian accent betrays that she is not a native of these parts. I must put her at her ease, and convince her that it will be my honour and privilege to lick clean her dirty shoe. Though I haven’t the heart to tell her it’s actually a boot; not a shoe. It does need cleaning, though – I’ll give her that.

I gush forth praise upon her, assuring her of my devotion and duty towards her dirty ‘shoe’, whilst at the same time extolling the virtues of her flowery-themed sock, the top of which is just visible to me thanks to her helpfully hitching up her right trouser-leg.
Here’s what I actually say to her:

‘Oh pray, pretty mistress, if it pleases you, pretty mistress, praise be upon you mistress! Truly this slave will be honoured to lick-clean your shoe, madam, for it is such a pretty shoe, miss. And your sock, miss! Oh your sock! Truly your sock looks magnificent inside your shoe, madam, if you will forgive me madam, thanking you kindly miss?’

Softly, she tells me to ‘shut up and get a move on cleaning her shoe’. She adds that she ‘hasn’t got all day’, and calls me a ‘stupid, dirty slave’.

It seems I had misjudged her. She wouldn’t say boo to a goose; but she is more than happy to scold a verbose, lazy slave!












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